Eat
31 Days of Practicing Faith
In October, I am free writing for five minutes a day—raw and unedited—on practicing faith in the every day. Each day is based on a different prompt from 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes.
{Day 28} - Eat
We say it at least a dozen times during each meal. Sometimes it feels like a hundred or more:
"Eat!"
Our kids would rather play with their food or kick each other, sing songs or drum on their plate. Anything but pay attention to their plates. Exasperated, we usually finish each meal and I wonder if they will ever focus on what's in front of them. They are always so distracted when it comes to mealtime and it becomes the most exhausting part of our day.
As I scrape uneaten food off of the plates they have already run off to the next thing. I want to be angry...
But I realize I am just like them. Sure, I've learned to sit at the table without my elbows on it, to eat my vegetables and not to chew with my mouth open. But I am easily distracted just like them. I turn my attention away from what nourishes me, too. I don't focus on the things in front of me that will fill me up either. My eyes wander away from the Bread of Life every day. How exasperated my Father must feel watching me choose lesser things than what could truly satisfy me.
I say a prayer as I stack dishes in the dish drainer and thank God for His patience with me. I ask for a share of that patience with my kids and for a hunger for the only thing that will truly fill me.
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Bouquet
31 Days of Practicing Faith
In October, I am free writing for five minutes a day—raw and unedited—on practicing faith in the every day. Each day is based on a different prompt from 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes.
{Day 27} -Bouquet
As I turned them over in my hands, I marveled at the way every variation of red showed up in that one bouquet. Deep reddish black like blood mixed with softer tones and hues. Held together by a simple ribbon, it was the best arrangement I had received in a long time.
She knew they were my favorite so she quickly arranged them together and tied them with the crimson ribbon, sparkling red upon red. It wasn't roses or dahlias that were my favorite and she knew it. The moment we walked outside that day to go on an afternoon walk, I inhaled the crisp fall air and sighed. The leaves were finally turning on the tree in our front yard. The sun glinted on the red leaves dangling loosely, barely still attached to the branches. Many had fallen during the day and scattered over the yard.
My daughter scurried around the yard picking up the gentle offerings that autumn had left us, arranged them in a bouquet of brightly colored leaves. As we walked and noticed the pumpkins appearing on doorsteps and the Halloween decorations going up on porches around the neighborhood, I held my homemade arrangement in on one side and her hand on the other. I knew the leaves would lose their soft glow soon as they dried and turned to dust. But today they were beautiful and today they were mine.
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Confront
31 Days of Practicing Faith
In October, I am free writing for five minutes a day—raw and unedited—on practicing faith in the every day. Each day is based on a different prompt from 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes.
{Day 26} -Confront
Something has shifted in my spirit as I try to grasp the scope of God's infinite patience and grace with me. I have always identified intimately with Paul's thoughts about the law and sin in Romans 7 when he talks about his inability to do what he wants to do. My journals over the last few years are filled with endless variations on those words—as I struggle with the conflict between wanting to draw closer to God but lack the discipline to do the things that initiate that closeness.
I want to pray more. Why can't I? I long to be more loving. Why am I so self-centered? I don't want to be so full of fear. Why do I let anxiety get the best of me? On and on the struggle goes. "What a wretched man am I!" (Romans 7.24) That has been my cry, where I have wallowed for so long. I have stayed in that place.
But I needed to keep reading...there is more to Paul's story and more to mine if I will let there be. Who will rescue me? "Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! (verse 25). Until I confront my own shortcomings and realize there is no way for me to stop sinning, I will keep wallowing in shame. I will stay in the place of just kicking myself for my failures but never moving past them. When I come to the realization that my attempts will never be good enough but it doesn't matter because He will rescue me...then the shift begins.
It's not a seismic shift. It's a subtle one. It's a movement in my heart as I accept what He's done for me and keep confronting my sinfulness in light of His amazing grace.
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Sign
31 Days of Practicing Faith
In October, I am free writing for five minutes a day—raw and unedited—on practicing faith in the every day. Each day is based on a different prompt from 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes.
{Day 25} -Sign
We look for signs on the way home from school, identifying them by their shapes and colors. My youngest plays the same game his sister did at this age. He doesn't know what the signs say yet but he knows that funny shaped red one means to stop and that the man up ahead holding the construction sign means we need to go slow. I pay attention to the signs when I drive because I like to know what is coming. I wish there were more road signs in our daily lives! Oh, how I long to know what is really coming around the bend for me.
I have grasped for control even more as I have aged, not wanting to be caught unprepared, not wanting a detail of my kids lives to slip through the cracks of my busy life. It has often gotten to the point of anxiety and panic when my life gets to a lot of chaos and unknown.
I am reading a 40-day devotional about fear right now. At first, I thought "I don't really struggle with fear" but a friend suggested this book for people who have anxiety, so I thought I'd give it a try. As I began to read, I saw myself in every page. My need for control, my yearning for the known—it comes from fear resulting in not really understanding who God is. Father, Loving, Friend, Patient, Kind, Sovereign. If I really slow down and ask Him to show me His character, take the time to understand how in control He really is, then my fear will melt away. Maybe not easily. Maybe not without a lot of work and reminding myself of who He is moment by moment. But it will.
I am learning there are signs everywhere, reminding me my God is in full control and that whatever comes around the bend, He isn't caught unaware.
Lord, help me to see the signs today.
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Global
31 Days of Practicing Faith
In October, I am free writing for five minutes a day—raw and unedited—on practicing faith in the every day. Each day is based on a different prompt from 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes.
{Day 24} -Global
For some people, it is a struggle to think about the world past their own family, neighborhood, church, or country. Ever since the first time I stepped foot into the developing world years ago, thinking globally hasn't been an issue for me. My heart is tied to the cry of poor and oppressed people. I read news about persecution in places many people don't even think about. I dive into causes on a global scale.
For me, the struggle is getting so focused on what is going on "out there" that I can forget to look at what is happening right where I am. I can let needs in my own backyard go unnoticed. I can forget the local for the call of the global. The magnitude of the needs in the world can overwhelm some and cause inaction. Or it can motivate us to a drive to act. The problem is we can get so caught up in the excitement of the feeling that what we are doing matters. We can forget that the little, unsung acts matter, too.
The smile that makes a difference for that hurting friend. The meal we bring. The errand we run. The gift we give. The moment we stop to pray with them. The ability to really listen to someone hurting. The time we stop to really see.
There are causes that require action and I still want to be involved in them. I can never stop seeing the huge needs out there and jumping in to help meet them. But Lord, don't let me ever forget the cause of the person right next to me wherever I am today.
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