One Word 47
Global
31 Days of Practicing Faith
In October, I am free writing for five minutes a day—raw and unedited—on practicing faith in the every day. Each day is based on a different prompt from 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes.
{Day 24} -Global
For some people, it is a struggle to think about the world past their own family, neighborhood, church, or country. Ever since the first time I stepped foot into the developing world years ago, thinking globally hasn't been an issue for me. My heart is tied to the cry of poor and oppressed people. I read news about persecution in places many people don't even think about. I dive into causes on a global scale.
For me, the struggle is getting so focused on what is going on "out there" that I can forget to look at what is happening right where I am. I can let needs in my own backyard go unnoticed. I can forget the local for the call of the global. The magnitude of the needs in the world can overwhelm some and cause inaction. Or it can motivate us to a drive to act. The problem is we can get so caught up in the excitement of the feeling that what we are doing matters. We can forget that the little, unsung acts matter, too.
The smile that makes a difference for that hurting friend. The meal we bring. The errand we run. The gift we give. The moment we stop to pray with them. The ability to really listen to someone hurting. The time we stop to really see.
There are causes that require action and I still want to be involved in them. I can never stop seeing the huge needs out there and jumping in to help meet them. But Lord, don't let me ever forget the cause of the person right next to me wherever I am today.
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Blowout
31 Days of Practicing Faith
In October, I am free writing for five minutes a day—raw and unedited—on practicing faith in the every day. Each day is based on a different prompt from 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes.
{Day 23} -Blowout
The thumping got louder, the beating sound like something was stuck under the car growing. Once the car started to pull to one side, we knew that we hadn't run over something. It was the tire. We pulled off the road to inspect the flat and found the source of the problem. A large screw had been embedded in the tire. My husband told me that it could have been there a while, letting air slowly leak out. We didn't even know there was a problem until it became a full blowout. He put the spare on so we could make it to a shop to see if they could patch the tire or if the tire was beyond repair.
I have had similar blowouts in my faith. I didn't realize there was a slow leak (or ignored it because I didn't want to admit it) until I was weeping at the altar or crumpled in tears by my bed. There have been times when my prayers are slowly drained of life and I don't realize it until I gasp at the thought that I haven't come to God at all that day. I crawl into bed, feeling the shame like a tangible blemish on my soul. I feel weighed down by it, defined by my failure. I still don't come to Him, feel like I don't have the right to because of my forgetfulness. I wonder if there is a fix or if it is beyond repair.
We have a newer car now that has a tire pressure management system. An orange light turns on when the pressure is low, alerting us that there might be a leak. We can keep a watchful eye on the pressure to make sure we don't have an unexpected blowout.
I am learning that journaling is my personal faith management system. I have journaled all my life, sometimes more consistently than others. Even if it is a quick check in, recording a prayer or a verse that spoke to me—it is a moment to stop and keep an eye on my day. It's a moment to make myself stop and pray, to ask God how the pressure in my soul is feeling and give my burdens to Him. I'm trying to do a better job of managing my faith so the blowouts come less often...
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Off
31 Days of Practicing Faith
In October, I am free writing for five minutes a day—raw and unedited—on practicing faith in the every day. Each day is based on a different prompt from 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes.
{Day 22} -Off
"God rejoices that you have come however forgetful you may have been of God during the day."
I had my eyes closed, the peaceful music washing over my soul. I was relaxing into my end of the day practice of examen. It is a practice I have tried to incorporate into each day but have struggled to be consistent in. To an evangelical who is new to contemplative prayer, it can feel awkward tto be still. I have always learned prayer is talking. I am trying to learn to do the listening. I found a new app that offers audio of daily prayers, including guided examen practices.
This line broke into the silence and my eyes snapped open. Really? God rejoices when I come to Him, even if it is the only time I have come all day? Even if I spent my day ignoring Him, trying to be in control, trying to be self-sufficient? Even if my daily prayer practice is so much less than I want it to be, than I know it should be?
The next day as I was taking a short walk and trying to pray, I couldn't get this line out of my head. I knew in my head this was true but I couldn't get my heart to believe it. Years of feeling like I had to do certain things to earn God's favor has left me with such a skewed view of my Good Father. In my day to day faith, I so often doubt that He truly rejoices when I come to Him.
The image of my kids popped into my mind and I thought of how forgetful and self-centered they can be. If they spent all day ignoring me but then came to me humbly, asking forgiveness and wanting my love—would I turn from them? Could I turn my love for them off? Would I reject them? Of course not! I would scoop them up in my arms, glad they had come to their senses and returned. I don't get a day off as a mom. Ever. I will always love them, always welcome them back no matter how far they run.
A tear rolled down my cheek and I nodded. Okay, God. I hear you. Whenever I come, you rejoice. You don't take any time off from loving me. I remember. Help my forgetfulness.
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Park
31 Days of Practicing Faith
In October, I am free writing for five minutes a day—raw and unedited—on practicing faith in the every day. Each day is based on a different prompt from 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes.
{Day 21} - Park
The grass peeks through the blankets in places, looking like a brightly colored quilt with a sea of people on it. We come here often to this hillside. It's become a place of refuge for us, an anchor to our home. It's funny how we gravitate to these parks, these places to be alone in a crowd. There is something comforting in being near other people all enjoying the beauty of God's magnificent creation. All our lives are intertwined somehow in this place but the memories we make here are our own.
Each person comes here for a different reason but all get something much needed—rest or rejuvenation togetherness or escape. I think we come here to build more of a connection to this place we call home so that when we move next year we can hold this memory. It will be something tangible to us. We will be able to smell the Georgia pines, remember the way the sun set over the mountain, and hear the laughter of a park full of people.
When we lived in the Middle East we had a park, too. In a world that was mostly dusty and brown, covered in sand, we found an escape in the middle of the city. It took a taxi ride and an entry fee to get in so we didn't get to come often. But when we were missing home and life get too overcrowded in a city of 20 million, we found our way there. We would sit near other couples and listen to their conversations in Arabic, barely understanding a word or two. We would stare out over the old city, rows of buildings crammed together—such a contrast to the wide open pools and lawns of the sanctuary we had found there.
When I think back to our time in that city, it's the days in this park that remind me of the goodness we found there. In a place where life was chaotic, there was peace to be found. Not just in that park but in the home of a friend, in sharing coffee and broken English conversation, in the hospitality so freely given to us. Sometimes it took stepping out of the dusty streets to remember it, but the beauty was always there. It's always here. We just have to look for it and remember to find it.
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Weekend
31 Days of Practicing Faith
In October, I am free writing for five minutes a day—raw and unedited—on practicing faith in the every day. Each day is based on a different prompt from 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes.
{Day 20} -Weekend
I am learning every cliche people say about time is cliche because it is true. It flies. There's never enough of it. It slips away all the faster the older you get. With the first child, time seemed to go fast. By the time we had the second, it hurtled by at warp speed. I don't know where the first year five years of his life went!
Time and me—we don't always get along. I always feel at odds with it. I want to wake up early, have more hours in a day to get all I want to get accomplished. I feel defeated when I don't mark all the things off my to-do list. Sometimes my heart starts to race just thinking about the calendar and all the events blocked out on it.
When I am holding my little ones in the early hours of the morning and breathing into their soft, silky hair I want time to stand still. When I am looking at the perfect sunset going down over the mountain at the end of the best day I can remember in a long time, I want to pause it all. When I think ahead to the changes in my family I know time will bring, the emotion catches in my throat.
Somehow, I still find myself wishing time away though. By about Tuesday afternoon, I will be looking forward to the weekend. I will be dreaming about the uninterrupted writing time of early Saturday morning, the rare date with my husband or dinner with a friend, the playtime scheduled with the kids, or maybe that mini-vacation we have planned. The work week will barely begin and I find myself wishing for that Friday afternoon and the rest that awaits.
Weekends are terrific and yes, I need family time and rest. But I don't want to wish it all away. I don't want to be so busy looking forward that I miss where God has me today. Lord, help me treasure each Monday. Each Tuesday. Each day in between. I don't want to live for the weekend. I want to live for this day. Tomorrow may not come. If it does, it will certainly come too soon. Help me love the time I am in.
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