Write 31 Days 32
Thanks
31 Days of Practicing Faith
In October, I am free writing for five minutes a day—raw and unedited—on practicing faith in the every day. Each day is based on a different prompt from 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes.
{Day 11} - Thanks
We Southerners are really good at being polite. From an early age we are taught the proper use of "ma'am" and "sir," "please" and "thank-you." I'll never forget the first time I said "ma'am" to a teacher who was from the Northern United States and she was insulted. Apparently, I said something that made her feel archaic when I was just repeating what had been drilled into me from birth.
We are polite, sure. But we're not always genuine.
I find myself teaching my children the same rules. The nice gentleman behind the counter hands my five-year-old a sprinkle cookie, the highlight of my little one's trip to the store each week. I wait to hand the cookie over until he says "thank you." He knows it is what is required to get his hands on that tasty treat, so he obediently says it.
That night as we cuddle on his bed, surrounded by stuffed animals and blankets, we talk about what we want to pray for and I ask him what he wants to thank God for today. He stammers and struggles, squirms and reaches for his storybook. I sigh because I know just how he feels.
I have a hard time truly focusing on being thankful. I can say the words I have been taught. I know all the right answers, all the things I have that are a gift right from the hand of God. All the things He is that deserve my humble gratitude. But my thanks are so often platitudes repeated before I get on to the requests that come far more readily into my prayers.
When I slow down enough to really dwell on who God is, I truly am more grateful than a simple "thank you" can say. May I slow down so that my thanks is more than just words.
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Unknown
31 Days of Practicing Faith
In October, I am free writing for five minutes a day—raw and unedited—on practicing faith in the every day. Each day is based on a different prompt from 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes.
{Day 10} - Unknown
I'm living in a place of tension these days. As someone who lives to organize, I've always gravitated to planning everything to the extreme. Every moment of a vacation would be mapped out before the bags were packed. Packing lists and the children's schedules are prepared weeks ahead of time. I still like to have a plan but I've also come to see the joy in spontaneity.
Last spring when we took the kids camping for the first time I loved the freedom of just letting the day take us wherever it wanted. We just drove until we found a trail that looked nice and walked until we discovered the beauty of a waterfall we wanted to stop and enjoy for a while. We took leisurely strolls in the crisp mountain air and sat by the fire until we were tired. It was so relaxing to not have to stick to a plan, to just be free to enjoy the day as it came.
So much of our life is lived in the unknown as we prepare for an international move. People ask about our plan and we give the details in broad strokes, sounding more confident than we feel. We know that a million little details have to fall into place to make this plan work and we trust that it will. We try to plan accordingly. Yet so much of the planning can only be taken a day at a time.
If you had asked me years ago how I would feel about such a scenario, I would already feel the panic rising in my chest just thinking about it. But there is a strange calm in my spirit these days. I can only explain it by saying that it is a peace that passes understanding, a freedom in knowing we are held in the middle of God's will and that His plans are so much better than our own.
This tension between knowing the plans and trusting in the unknown is a strange place to be. I take a leap and trust He will be there to catch me.
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Post-it
31 Days of Practicing Faith
In October, I am free writing for five minutes a day—raw and unedited—on practicing faith in the every day. Each day is based on a different prompt from 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes.
{Day 9} - Post-it
Stacks of paper sat scattered all around me. I had emptied the contents of my bag onto the floor as I tried to sort out the notes I had made all week. I crumpled up one sticky note after another as I rewrote what was written on them into my new bullet journal.
My life had come to feel so fractured. Faith. Family. Work. Writing. The move we are preparing for. I had to-do lists for every area of my life and at the end of the day, my mind would race as I thought through all the lists. Did I miss something? Was there a deadline I forgot? Who was going to pay the price for my fractured thinking next?
I knew my inability to focus was coming from the way I had been trying to segment my life into categories of lists, reminders scattered around me on post-it notes. I was trying to unite all my lists into one, but my latest attempt to organize my muddy thoughts went so much deeper than that.
My soul felt fractured, too. Many of those notes had reminders to pray for a friend scribbled on them, but they often got lost at the bottom of the bag along with reminders of spirit week or that bill to pay. I knew the most important things were falling through the cracks—the urgent so often crowding out the important.
I asked God to give me an undivided heart to go with an unfragmented mind. I knew I couldn't live with my affections divided anymore. He had to be the center of all or the important would continue to get lost in the shuffle.
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Muddle
31 Days of Practicing Faith
In October, I am free writing for five minutes a day—raw and unedited—on practicing faith in the every day. Each day is based on a different prompt from 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes.
{Day 8} - Muddle
Half-way through the day I catch myself doing it. I have been sitting in my office staring at a screen for hours, not a single person crossing my path. I stand up and my muscles cry out, aching fo movement. My eyes are dry and my spirit is weak. I've just been muddling through the day, just getting through.
I have to set a timer on my phone to remind myself to take breaks. I remember Ann Voskamp's words that without hard stops life crashes. I know this to be true. I need moments where I stop what I am doing to reconnect with God, to come back to prayer and being aware of His Presence. He never leaves me but I so easily get caught up in the daily tasks in front of me that I relegate connection with Him to a long to-do list that never gets completed.
As I breathe life into my back, muscles tense from sitting so long, I breathe out a prayer to my Father. I know He's been patiently waiting for me to recognize that there is joy waiting for me in the midst of this day. I can keep just getting through the day or I can take hold of the beauty He's holding out to me in the middle of it.
The day can seem mindless, tedious. I have to work to make it otherwise.
Stop. Breathe.
Stop. Pray.
Stop. Choose joy.
Stop.
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Test
31 Days of Practicing Faith
In October, I am free writing for five minutes a day—raw and unedited—on practicing faith in the every day. Each day is based on a different prompt from 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes.
{Day 7} - Test
I poured over the words with an urgent intensity, flipping pages, looking for the answers. For years I read the Bible this way as I filled up workbooks and Bible studies and my knowledge grew. I approached the Word like it was something I needed to conquer, as if I was studying for a test I wasn't sure when I would have to take.
After a while I knew so many of the answers but I had lost the awe I felt when flipping the thin pages, silky like flower petals between my fingers. In coming to the Bible like it was head knowledge I needed to learn, I forgot the way it was living. Jesus calls Himself the Word. He was there when the fist Word spoke everything into being. He became the Truth embodied. Every word out of His mouth was a truth not to be learned, but to be lived.
As I turn the words over in my mind, repeating just a few of them in lectio divina, I feel them take on life. One phrase will catch my attention and I stay there, not rushing on to check off how many chapters I've read today. I let the words settle into my heart and bring them back to God in prayer. For so long I was living like faith was a continual search for answers. Now I ask God to show me the right questions.
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