October 31, 2016

Only

31 Days of Practicing Faith

In October, I am free writing for five minutes a day—raw and unedited—on practicing faith in the every day. Each day is based on a different prompt from 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes.

{Day 31} – Only

My day started with an “if only,” like so many days before.

If only I’d gotten up early I would have had time to really make this a Sabbath. I would have been able to spend time with God and still get all the things I needed to accomplish. I beat myself up before my feet even hit the floor. If only I hadn’t turned off that alarm.

Those thoughts may have felt like they were fleeting but they stuck to me like the smell of burnt toast lingers in the air long after the smoke has cleared. That feeling of regret made me feel like a failure no matter what I did.

Hours later, the light had already begun to fade as it does so early this time of year. My littles snuggled up next to me in the overstuffed chair, their heads under mine as the movie cast shadows on the darkening wall. In that moment there were no to-do lists or regrets, no things I would rather be doing. This was all I wanted in the world at that moment—their presence with me in those last few moments of the day.

After I tucked them in I found my way downstairs to where my journal was waiting for me this morning. It was still sitting there waiting. God was still waiting. He hadn’t gone anywhere. My lateness didn’t cause Him to turn from me. He just wanted my presence there with Him in those last moments of the day.

I opened up His Word and promised not to let my day end with an “if only” and prayed He’d help me not let tomorrow start with one either. I can’t turn back time and get up when that alarm went off. And even if I did, He wouldn’t love me any more. He doesn’t love me only when I earn it yet He loves me like I’m His only.

If I’d only live like I believe it…

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