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October 22, 2016 Noticing (Everyday life)

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31 Days of Practicing Faith

In October, I am free writing for five minutes a day—raw and unedited—on practicing faith in the every day. Each day is based on a different prompt from 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes.

{Day 22} -Off

"God rejoices that you have come however forgetful you may have been of God during the day."

I had my eyes closed, the peaceful music washing over my soul. I was relaxing into my end of the day practice of examen. It is a practice I have tried to incorporate into each day but have struggled to be consistent in. To an evangelical who is new to contemplative prayer, it can feel awkward tto be still. I have always learned prayer is talking. I am trying to learn to do the listening. I found a new app that offers audio of daily prayers, including guided examen practices.

This line broke into the silence and my eyes snapped open. Really? God rejoices when I come to Him, even if it is the only time I have come all day? Even if I spent my day ignoring Him, trying to be in control, trying to be self-sufficient? Even if my daily prayer practice is so much less than I want it to be, than I know it should be?

The next day as I was taking a short walk and trying to pray, I couldn't get this line out of my head. I knew in my head this was true but I couldn't get my heart to believe it. Years of feeling like I had to do certain things to earn God's favor has left me with such a skewed view of my Good Father. In my day to day faith, I so often doubt that He truly rejoices when I come to Him.

The image of my kids popped into my mind and I thought of how forgetful and self-centered they can be. If they spent all day ignoring me but then came to me humbly, asking forgiveness and wanting my love—would I turn from them? Could I turn my love for them off? Would I reject them? Of course not! I would scoop them up in my arms, glad they had come to their senses and returned. I don't get a day off as a mom. Ever. I will always love them, always welcome them back no matter how far they run.

A tear rolled down my cheek and I nodded. Okay, God. I hear you. Whenever I come, you rejoice. You don't take any time off from loving me. I remember. Help my forgetfulness.

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